A Woman

He honestly didn’t think he expected too much.

He already had a job, which he not only enjoyed, but also earned quite the living doing. He had a beautiful apartment, a fancy car and a pair of loving parents, who gave him unconditional love. So all he really felt like he was missing was a woman. That wasn’t much to ask for, was it?

She would have to be attractive of course. Tall, voluptuous, with long hair and blue eyes. Though he would be willing to compromise with the eye colour – if necessary. It was however essential that she would be a non-smoker, and she would never have tried drugs. She definitely shouldn’t be a virgin, but she wasn’t allowed to have slept with more than a handful of guys either. Two or three would be preferable. That wasn’t too much to ask for, was it?

She‘d be intelligent as well. Preferable she came from an Ivy League college. She’d have an IQ, which was over 110, but less than 135. He himself had 138. And for obvious reasons she shouldn’t be smarter than him.

She should be funny. He couldn’t be with someone, who wouldn’t understand his jokes. She’d laugh at them, and not that fake, polite laughter he hated so much. Her laugh should be genuine, but not too loud. A feminine laugh.

She shouldn’t have tried too much with those other guys. Sexually that was. Vanilla, really, but she should be willing to try whatever he thought might be fun. He already had so many ideas, and she should be open to all of them. She should always be willing when he tried to seduce her. Actually, not merely willing. She should want him with a burning passion. Though of course she should also be understanding when he wasn’t in the mood or was too busy for work. She should only ask for sex when he felt like it. That wasn’t too much to ask for, was it?

She should be healthy. When they were out eating she should order the salad, but not mind when he ordered a burger with extra fries. She should offer to pay half the bill, but smile demurely and thank him when he paid it all. She should go to the gym two or three times a week and do whatever she could to always look the best; morning, midday or night. Wanting your girlfriend to always look her best for you wasn’t too much to ask for, was it?

She should have a good job, though be less successful than him financially speaking, and she should be willing to give up her job once they got married. And then it would hardly be too much to ask for that she’d be willing to do the cooking and the cleaning considering he would be paying all the bills. She’d want children, but let him decide when he was ready to have them. She’d give him two children, and work hard to lose the extra fat from each pregnancy as soon as possible.

She’d be faithful. She wouldn’t sleep with other men, kiss other men, flirt with other men, talk with other men without reason. She’d be one hundred percent true to him.

Of course she would also understand that a man’s biology couldn’t be controlled. She would understand that sometimes he would slip, and end up in bed with another woman. She would understand that it wouldn’t mean anything to him, and forgive him as soon as he told her. If he decided not to tell her she would do the polite thing and look the other way. That wasn’t too much to ask for, was it?

Time would go by, and they’d get older. Maybe they would grow apart, and he would want a divorce. She would, once again, understand. Sometimes people simply grew apart. Though, of course, it would be his decision to make. She’d take it gracefully, but cry. Preferable she would tell him that there would never be another man out there for her. Obviously she would have signed a pre-nup before they got married, and he wouldn’t have to pay alimony. After all then he had paid for her during their entire marriage. It couldn’t be expected that he would have to pay her after they’ve gotten divorce.

She would take the children, and he would get them every second weekend. Of course they would still prefer him, but with his career, he wouldn’t possibly be able to take them all the time. Every second weekend would just have to be enough. That really wasn’t too much to ask for.

Sooner or later he would meet another woman. Within a year or two. She would be about twenty years younger than him and beautiful. She would be intelligent, but less so than him, she would think he was funny, always be ready for kinky sex, and look at him adoringly. She would have green eyes.

His ex-wife would understand that just because she would never find someone else, she couldn’t expect him to remain celibate the rest of his life. After all; he was a man. His ex-wife would come to his wedding, alone, and she’d be happy for him, though also jealous. She’d know he was the best thing that ever happened to her and act accordingly.

She would yearn for him in the night, and if she was still attractive he would sometimes throw her one, pity sex if you will, and she would always be willing. He’d sneak over to her, and she would greet him with open arms, and scream his name as she came. Afterwards she would tell him that she’d tried dating other men, but no one could compare to him and so she’d given up. He’d smile politely and leave to go home to his new wife.

So really; all the actually wanted was a woman.

Sure, he had a few bullet points, which she had to meet, but nothing too outrageous. And he couldn’t marry just anyone. His demands were reasonable and a woman like that really wasn’t too much to ask for, now was it?

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