Getting Dumped

“We need to talk.”

Those four words could only mean two things, and as Nicolas knew for certain that his girlfriend had gotten her period only a few days earlier, she was definitely about to dump him.

Relief washed through him.

He’d been meaning to break it off with her for almost a week now, but they’d hardly spent any time alone together since he made the decision, and he could certainly not dump her in front of an audience. Now, however, it seemed like he didn’t have to dump her at all.

“Sure,” he said, striving to look appropriately glum. It felt like he was at the funeral of someone he hadn’t particularly cared for.

“I think you’re great,” she started out. “You’re really, really great.”


“I just… I don’t think this is going to work out. Something is just missing. I hope we can still be friends?”

“Absolutely,” he promised her. “We’ll stay friends.”

“So… we’re good?”

She sounded so guilty that he had to tell her the truth.

“Yeah. I know how you feel. We just weren’t right for each other. I think we’ll be better of as friends as well.”


She sounded angry.

“Well, we don’t really have anything in common. Sooner or later one of us was bound to realise it.”

“Are you dumping me?!”

“What? No! You’re dumping me!”

“Then why aren’t you crying?!”

“You actually want me to be heart-broken?!”

“Yes! I can’t believe you don’t want to be with me!”

“But you don’t want to be with me either!”

“But you don’t want to be with me! What the hell is wrong with me anyway?!”

He stared at her. “Well, what the hell do you want from me?” he demanded.

“I want you to freaking cry! I want you to beg me to not leave!”

“So you don’t want to break up?”

“No, of course I do. I’m dumping you, and nothing you can say is going to change my mind.”

“Great. We both want out then. It’s perfect.”

“It’s not perfect! You’re not crying!”

“You’re not crying either.”

“Well, of course not. I’m not about to lose me!”

“Well, I’m not going to cry,” he said shortly. “And I’m really not interested in staying friends either anymore, so maybe you should leave.”

“You can leave!”

“We’re in my apartment!”


He took a deep breath. “Fine,” he said. “I’ll leave. I’ll go for a walk, and when I get back I would prefer it if you weren’t here.”

Turning around, he walked away.

“I was the best thing that ever happened to you!”

He put on his shoes.

“And I am definitely the one dumping you!”

He decided it wasn’t cold enough to warrant a jacket. Not to mention that he wanted to leave as immediately as possible.

“You’ll never find anyone like me ever again!”

Well, he would certainly hope not.

9 thoughts on “Getting Dumped

  1. This is so funny…but true. I want my boyfriend to mourn and deeply grieve the fact that I don’t want him anymore. Secret Diva that I am.


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